recently i was working on an "osu!" private server project. which is now my favorite game for 8 years at this point. actually i was pretty excited to do something like that for a long time and i was actually able to complete it in every way i cared about. my coding ability has definitely come a long way even from 2 years ago which is cool. though honestly, when i did it all, it felt a lot emptier than i thought it would? or at least i didn't feel as good about it as i would've if i managed to figure out how to do in 2023 when i originally tried. it's still cool though.

other than that, i am a university student. it's kind of difficult for me to do the work because i don't really inherently care about it so i waste a lot of time wrestling with my brain lol... it's why pretty much every significant project i've completed in recent times is during times where i'm on break. for example, most of the progress on this website (and https://farlands.cc) and my osu private server were a result of being around the time of winter break...

one thing i have been meaning to do but haven't gotten around to, is the farlands video. i know it's somewhat of a time-sensitive thing because the farlands VOD won't be getting more attention forever but for some reason i've been pushing it off. the best candidate for a time it will come out is this summer... but by then it will have been nearly a full year since i reached the farlands. oh well

been thinking of strategies to make it easier to wrestle with my brain because it really does waste so much of my time. perhaps i could log all of my activities publicly so that there is an incentive to do more so i can have that shown off to everyone permanently. and also a disincentive to do less to avoid a feeling of shame for not doing enough (since i would want people to perceive me as a hard-working person). maybe it'd be possible for that be an unhealthy system. but i'd rather be overworked and stressed about doing the next thing, than underworked and stressed that i'm doing nothing. well, there is also always the possibility that such a system actually does nothing to nudge my brain in the right direction and i end up only ever getting the 'shame' bit. but maybe after some effort i would overcome that, and someone might be inspired to set up something like that themselves as a way to be more productive. can't really know until i give it a go, maybe you'll see that on this website sometime soon

trying to continue being a person

is that true

well someone has to shift it

love when they do that

sure you can

hi

might be true

maybe but not because of The War Within™

likely inaccessible to you, and it's also time-limited

technically this still partially exists but not in the form you're probably thinking of

i will think about it

collecting as much meaning as possible